Won't You Be My Neighbor?

This man is not my neighbor but fellow shirtless Russian, Ivan Drago. Watch out, he must break you.

As we speak, my Russian neighbor is standing outside in the hallway looking out the window. He is wearing absolutely nothing but sweatpants and a ridiculous handle bar mustache that would surely incense Hulk Hogan. Did I mention said neighbor's sweatpants are pulled down quite a ways, revealing a quarter moon? As soon as my neighbor saw me leave my apartment, he stared at me for a moment with an icy glare that causes me to suspect the events of Eastern Promises are in fact truth, and then ran back inside of his apartment. And this man looks at me like I'm crazy whenever we walk past each other.